Derris-Kharbucks
by Do a Barrel Roll
Summary: Coffee shop AU, series of oneshots. Take a look into the lives of Lloyd, Kratos, Zelos, and Yuan as they run Derris-Kharbucks, a quaint little coffee shop rife with Lloyd mistaking temperatures of coffee, Kvar's tongue burning in hell, and Mithos attempting to begin an Age of Lifeless Beans, a time in which all coffee will be black and flavorless...
1. Have Some Hot Coffee!

**This is more of an experimental project than anything, to be honest. I've written a lot of stories before, but surprisingly a coffee AU is not one of them (which is weird since I'm obsessed with the beans). I'm probably only going to continue if I get a good enough response since I'm so swamped between work (AS A BARISTA, HA) and summer classes, but here goes.**

**As always, I don't own Tales of Symphonia. **

* * *

Derris-Kharbucks was a quaint yet still decently renown coffee shop on the corner of Sylvarant Way and Tethe'alla Avenue. Having been established decades in the past by a fairly popular local woman, the shop was now locally famous for its own special brew, the Angelus Project Blend, and for its especially charming baristas.

Despite the former owner, a Mrs. Anna Aurion, passing away fourteen years ago in a horrific accident, her husband still ran the joint in honor of her memory, and though he tended to scare away some customers of...dangerous walks of life (oh, he scared the crap out of everyone, but most people would risk his glares just for a cup of that Angelus Blend), the shop was still quite bustling.

For most customers, walking into the store was like entering a happier place. The air was still perfumed by the bitter aroma of coffee intermingling with notes of sweet vanilla and chocolate and the shop sold products you could find in most similar places, but the atmosphere seemed so inviting somehow that you were just drawn in by the charm, invited to take a break from life and enjoy a cup of joe and a pastry. It was great...

Well, it was great if you were anyone but the very swamped Lloyd Aurion.

Going through the coffee rush hour was hell that day. Though Lloyd prided himself in being very good with his hands, there was only so much he could do at one time, and remembering the orders alone was extenuating when you had minimal (AKA lazy) help.

His Sharpie blurred as he wrote names onto innumerable cups, the espresso machine whirled in an everlasting cycle as he prepared drink after drink. Mochas, cappuccinos, frappuccinos, all were dealt out with minimal issues for the most part...but as stated, for the most part.

The worst case came near the end of the crowded hours, as an exhausted Lloyd prepared the final latte in his list of orders. Feeling he needed a cup of java himself, Lloyd sighed tensely and prepared the final drink, quickly pumping the correct amount of flavoring into the drink and mixing the coffee. When he finished he heaved a great sigh of relief, wiped his heated brow, and grinned. "I've got an order for a...Colette!" he shouted, that happy grin still on his face.

His customer was a cute, bubbly blonde with the biggest blue eyes he'd ever seen, smiling back at him as she approached the counter. "Oh, that's me!" she exclaimed, stumbling a bit as she approached.

Lloyd's smile widened and he passed her the cup. "Here, have your hot coffee!"

And that's when it all went downhill.

Colette's eyes widened as she glanced down to a note on her cell phone, protected by a cover depicting a few cuddly puppies. "Oh, um...it's actually iced coffee."

"...What?"

"I asked for an iced coffee," Colette restated with a murmur, grimacing sheepishly at the barista.

"...Shoot."

"It-it's okay, I'm sure a hot coffee will be just as good-"

"No, no, I have to make it right, it's okay! Besides, if my dad found out I left you with a wrong drink order he'd kill me," Lloyd cut her off, feeling absolutely boned as he got to work once more, this time preparing the drink _right. _He'd made a mistake, but at least it was a mistake he could do over!

A few minutes later he returned to the girl, holding a frosty drink aloft. "Here, I made your iced-"

But Colette's eyes were glued to her phone, and the girl was biting her lip in shame. "Um...I lied, it's actually hot!"

"Wh...what?"

"My friend, she changed her mind and asked for the hot drink!"

Lloyd gaped at Colette in shock for a moment, turned to stare at the sink he'd dumped the old hot latte down, and let out a frustrated scream.

* * *

Colette had gone, and the shop was empty save the two employees currently on duty...

"Bud, I'd say that blonde chick from earlier was a solid nine! What do you think?"

Swallowing yet another gulp of "calming" iced coffee, Lloyd spun to shoot Zelos Wilder a venomous gaze. "What were you even doing all through the rush, anyways?"

Smirking at his best bud, Zelos leaned against the counter and winked. "Oh, just...admiring the view."

"Alright, what were you doing _besides _rating every girl who came in here."

Zelos shrugged, pushing a strand of wavy red locks over his finely kept white clothing and pink apron. "Alright, you got me, I was slacking off work again. I need a break every now and then, though!'

"Every now and then for you is all the time," Lloyd shot back with an eye roll. "I'm amazed Dad hasn't fired you yet."

"Ha, that's because Pops loves me, am I right or what!"

His anger dissipating, Lloyd chuckled and playfully flicked Zelos with the water rolling off his cup. "Ha, only because I begged him to keep you!"

"Hey, I'm not the one who's always screwing up the orders!" Zelos retorted.

He'd spoken too soon. Lloyd's anger made a sudden comeback and he turned to shoot his millionth exasperated glower at the older man. "Hey, it's not my fault it all gets so confusing!"

"Right, it's not your fault...it's your daddy's for dropping you on your head as a baby."

"H-hey!"

"How hard can it possibly be, anyways? Hot, cold, there's only two different ways to make the drink! And man, you sure flopped in front of that cute little hunny earlier. 'It's hot, it's iced, oh crap I mean it's hot, it's actually tea, it's actually Diet Coke, it's actually-'"

"Hey, Zelos?" said Lloyd.

"Huh - WHAAA!" The pervy, curly-haired barista shrieked in anguish as Lloyd poured his iced coffee down Zelos's shirt, staining the white fabric and sending horrendous chills down Zelos's spine. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"Have some hot coffee," said Lloyd with the most smug, self-satisfied grin he had probably ever worn.

* * *

**And that's it for chapter one. Chapter two, if I get a good response to this, will star...Presea? Mithos? Kvar? You decide, I have ideas for most of the characters!**


	2. Pathetic, Inferior Beans: Part One

**I didn't expect this to get so popular as quickly as it did...but here's chapter two! Featuring Lloyd, Kratos, Yuan, Zelos, Sheena, and the Cardinal we all love to hate...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, but I do own the barista Lloyd cosplay I'm working on.**

**EDIT: Fixed that random error with the paragraphs jumping. Ugh. Sorry about that!**

* * *

**Those Inferior Beans! **

He was staring at her again. Sheena shuffled her feet around and nervously glanced everywhere around this warm coffee haven, determined to not make eye contact with those piercing crimson eyes. Really, she should've been used to it by now. She had known the Aurion family for almost a decade now thanks to both Kratos and her grandfather being instructors at the same martial arts studio, but even with all the years of familiarity left her stumped when it came to understanding him.

He always just...stared. She knew the man was pretty screwed up after the twists and turns of life, especially losing his wife, but still how Lloyd managed to be a completely normal human being in comparison to Kratos "Constipation Face" Aurion left her more bamboozled than she ever liked to be.

What was he thinking? Why did he never talk? Why did he only ever stare at people so creepily, like-

"Sheena, I have been holding out your change for the past two minutes."

...Oh. That'd explain it. "Gaaah, sorry, Kratos!" she exclaimed as she frantically took the change from his outstretched hand, dumping it all into their tip jar. Kratos didn't give a response except to blink and close the cash register, heading back to make her coffee.

Sighing and wallowing a bit in her idiocy, she walked over to a semi-crowded table and popped a squat in her seat, feeling a blush heat up her face and praying the table's other two occupants wouldn't notice.

They did.

"Sheena, are you doing okay?" Lloyd worriedly asked, cocking his head to the side like he was a puppy dog. "Your face is all flushed, are you sick or something?"

Zelos just laughed and clapped Lloyd on the shoulder. "Bud, she's obviously embarrassed! Didn't you hear her and Papa K over at the register? She completely went Space Cadet Sheena and just zoned out!"

Sheena gritted her teeth and lashed out with a light kick into Zelos's shin. Nothing damaging, but still painful. "Shut up, you stupid idiot! It's not like he said anything to me, I didn't know!"

This was how typical breaks at Derris-Kharbucks went, actually: Lloyd and Zelos both took a break at the same time since Kratos knew Zelos would do nothing if he was left alone without him or Lloyd or Yuan, and Kratos would cover two (one) shifts while they each had their own coffee. Sheena often dropped in on her two amigos, and they'd take some time to relax.

Today, though, Lloyd wasn't relaxed so much as genuinely confused. "You really can't ever tell what he's thinking?"

"You can?" Sheena and Zelos asked in unison, though when they realized what they had done Zelos smirked deviously and Sheena had to resist the urge to knock his smug block off.

Lloyd shrugged. "I didn't even realize it was hard. I just kinda got used to him..."

"That's only because you've known him for so long, Lloyd," spoke a new voice. A blue ponytail then smacked Zelos in the nose as its own took his own seat, smirking to himself as he pondered the subject at hand. "To anyone else, Kratos is like a brick wall...which I suppose is fitting, he has all the personality of one."

"Gee, _thanks, _Uncle Yuan," Lloyd muttered.

"Grr, don't call me that, brat! I am capable of hurting you!" Yuan threatened. "I'm not related to you and I'd be ashamed if I was."

Lloyd rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but you only say that since you're a tsun...tsuna...tsud..." Stumped, he frowned and glanced hopefully to Sheena. "Hey, what was that word for people who act mean to people they like?"

"Tsundere?" Sheena supplied, glancing in wonder to Yuan and imagining him blushing, calling Lloyd b-baka as he claimed to not like him.

"Yeah, that!"

"I am _not _tsundere!" Yuan objected, looking ready to take Zelos's hot coffee and pour it over Lloyd's head. "I swear I _will _hurt you!"

"I'm sorry, Yuan, what was that?" Lloyd, Zelos, and Sheena all nearly jumped out of their seats in fright as they finally noticed Kratos standing next to them, holding Sheena's finished drink and looking far from amused by Yuan's "threats." Lloyd merely jumped a little, Sheena looked positively frazzled, and Zelos actually fell out of his chair.

"I was merely reminding your spawn to know his place," Yuan said, explaining his actions. As if that was the perfect reason to be bothering Lloyd instead of working...

"That's not your job," Kratos retorted, crossing his arms in his usual pose and still keeping his masterful poker face. Even now Sheena had to admire him for that. How did he do it...?

"Do you guys really have to talk about me like I'm not here...?" Lloyd bemoaned, wallowing in his coffee as he took a rueful sip of the espresso-laced caffeinated chocolate monster.

"Come on, Papa K, show your kid a little respect," Zelos chimed in, smirking to himself as he referred to Kratos by a name the old man despised. Not that they knew just how old of a man Kratos was. Despite having a son in his late teens, Kratos still could pass for being in his twenties, along with Yuan. Not even Lloyd knew how old his old man was, and neither adult would fess up no matter how much Lloyd prodded.

Kratos simply put a palm to his face and sighed impatiently. "You're supposed to be working, Zelos," he muttered.

"I thought Lloyd needed some company-"

A filthy, sodden rag smacked Zelos in the face, hitting him with a satisfying squelching sound. "Work," Kratos ordered.

"Old bastard..."

"I heard that."

Just minutes later Kratos had already retreated to work in desirable solitude, Zelos was grudgingly scrubbing down tables, and Lloyd was still drinking coffee with Sheena and Yuan. Yuan wasn't really on break either, but Kratos wasn't going to give his old friend any flack for that; Yuan wouldn't listen to him even if he did.

Kratos and Yuan's friendship was practically built around exasperating each other, though. Their relationship would best be described as vitriolic yet still close, built on years and year of hardship, arguing, and ridiculous situations. Even if Kratos thought Yuan was an incorrigible ass (he was) or Yuan believed Kratos had the humor of a board (he did), they had still been there for each other for every betrayal and for every loss. Kratos had been the one to keep Yuan from going crazy after the death of his fiancee Martel, and Yuan had practically helped raise Lloyd after the horrific death of Anna.

So even if Yuan technically worked for Kratos at their little coffee establishment, he really didn't care to listen to his boss.

"I still don't understand..." Sheena was murmuring into her coffee, purposely ignoring Zelos purposely waving his butt in her face as he wiped down the adjacent table.

"Understand what?" Lloyd asked, leaning close to Sheena in curiosity.

Sheena blushed at Lloyd's close proximity but only tilted back a bit. "W-well, I'm just wondering...how do you ever tell what Kratos is thinking? He's so...so..."

"Emotionally constipated?" Yuan supplied. Ah, yes, his favorite pastime: teasing Kratos, even if it was behind his back.

"Ahh, that wasn't the phrase I was going to use!"

"But it's what you meant?" His smirk could only grow as time went on.

"Uh...I guess so...It's just his face, it never changes!"

"You have to look for the little things," Lloyd answered, closing his eyes and confidently pointing a thumb at himself. "I'm practically a pro at figuring him out now! We, uh..." His gaze nervously shifted in the direction of the kitchen, to where Kratos had holed up himself. "We have a name for his different faces, actually...Yuan, you wanna say it?" Lloyd asked desperately. "If he hears me I am so dead..."

Yuan hesitated for a second. It was fun to watch Lloyd squirm like this, but then again if Kratos overheard Lloyd probably would be grounded...dammit why was he being nice to this brat? Ugh...

Oh well. "We like to call them 'The Many Resting Bitch Faces of Kratos Aurion.' And yes, we are compiling them into a book, thank you for asking. Care for a demonstration?"

Sheena's jaw had dropped to the floor, and Zelos was snickering a few tables away. "Wh...what?!"

"I can do all his faces!" Lloyd offered, grinning ear to ear with an expression as unlike Kratos as possible. He was the perfect candidate, after all: Lloyd and Kratos had nearly the same face anyways. "What should I start with?"

"Try being happy Kratos!" Zelos quipped, this time with his butt deliberately in Yuan's face; the older man calmly kicked Zelos in the rear and sent the philanderer sprawling into a table while Yuan immediately went back to coolly drinking a cup of tea.

Lloyd cheerily nodded and then sent his face through quite the transformation, immediately making his features dull and turning his smile upside down. Once his face was completely devoid of emotion, he let his lip twitch once before he went straight again.

"...So when are you going to make his happy face?" Sheena asked, wondering at Lloyd's antics.

"That was his happy face. I smiled like him and everything!" Lloyd objected. "Didn't you see it?" His face became stiff and surly once more and again his mouth quirked, a very brief and minuscule quirk. "That's a Dad smile!"

"It's barely anything at all!" Sheena said, still totally lost as to how Lloyd knew _that _was a smile.

"Exactly, that's why we say he only has a resting bitch face," said Yuan. "Although I suppose it's less of a resting bitch face and more of an _eternal _bitch face..." he mused.

"Get back to work, you two," Bitch Face himself growled from but five feet away.

This time Lloyd choked on his coffee and Sheena nearly had a heart attack, while Yuan just shot Kratos an irritated glare. "Kratos, you should really work on alerting people to your presence, I'm pretty sure Sheena here thinks you're a professional stalker with all your ludicrous sneaking."

"And she probably thinks you're a woman with that ridiculous ponytail," Kratos replied.

"At least my hair is well kept, compared to your rat's nest. Lloyd, do you two even have a brush in your house?"

Kratos's eyes turned to Lloyd and his eyes softened in pity. The poor boy was sopping wet from accidentally spilling his drink, looking incredibly embarrassed with flushed cheeks and a bitten lip. "Go in the back and get yourself cleaned up, Lloyd..."

Relieved he wasn't going to be scolded, Lloyd sighed and muttered a "Thanks, Dad," as he passed Kratos, retreating into the bathroom.

Sheena tried her best to pretend she wasn't there, but Yuan's biting tongue couldn't relent in its barrage. "Your son has you whipped."

"Quiet, Yuan."

* * *

Lloyd whistled to himself as he exited the bathroom about ten minutes later. Fortunately for him he had been wearing a black shirt instead of his usual red, so what was left of the coffee stain was barely visible. From the looks of it Sheena had already finished her coffee but was waiting to see how he had fared in his war against stains, and Zelos-

Was pushing him back into the bathroom with a furious look on his face.

Lloyd's first instinct was to smack Zelos away in a frenzy. "Geez, Zelos, what the-"

"Bud, you just need to hide, alright? I've got this, don't worry about it, you don't need to go out there-"

Rolling his eyes, Lloyd fluidly ducked under Zelos's outstretched arms, grinning widely to himself as he dodged Zelos like a ninja. "You're just trying to keep me away from Sheena again, I'm on to you-"

He pushed the bathroom door open and his cheerfulness was warped into dread, his usual giddy excitement, falling into the pit of his stomach like a ball of ice.

"Ah, Lloyd, it's been awhile, hasn't it?"

Because Kvar had been the last person he had wanted to see.


End file.
